


Walkin' Back to Georgia

by MaraMcGregor



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Background Relationships, Bisexual Coach Bittle, Coming Out, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Mentions of HIV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-07-04 11:47:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15840660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaraMcGregor/pseuds/MaraMcGregor
Summary: Coach Bittle thinks he knows why Junior doesn't want to come home this summer. But, he's been hiding something from his family too long. He wonders if he should say something.





	Walkin' Back to Georgia

Eric Richard Bittle loved his wife. He also deeply loved his son. It was easy to demonstrate his love to his wife. And he wished that he was better at showing his son the same. He knew that his son knew that he loved him. But, as Suzanne told him about the phone call she had with him, distressed about the entire tone of the thing, Richard knew that this whole situation fell on his shoulders. He wasn’t going to  _ presume _ anything. But, he had eyes. 

Richard blamed himself. If he had been honest from the start. If he had been open to his son. If he hadn’t pretended  _ so hard _ . Maybe Dicky would feel comfortable telling them the reason he wanted to stay in Providence with Jack. But after so many years, after forcing himself into a mold and consciously ignoring his own identity since he first had an inkling … he didn’t have the words to reach his son. And if he did use the words he knew he needed to, he could lose everything. His wife may not forgive him. His son might be angry and feel betrayed. If it got out, he could lose his job and all the respect he had worked so hard for. 

But, seeing the look on his wife’s face was hard. He knew that if Dicky wasn’t straight, that he likely felt that he had to lie to them. He couldn’t forgive himself for causing that type of fear in his son. Coach just didn’t know how to begin. But it seemed like he had reached the point where he could no longer avoid it. Not if he wanted to preserve his family. Not if he wanted his son to still be able to call Madison home. 

Coach sighed. Suzie was still in the kitchen. She was stress baking, trying to figure out what would cause her son to not want to come home. He could go in there, and tell her what he suspected. But it felt wrong. If he was wrong, it would be putting ideas in her head that she didn’t need. If he was right … well, it wasn’t his place to out his son. 

He owed the truth to his son, just in case. And he couldn’t tell Dicky without telling Suzanne. His conscience just wouldn’t let him do that. But, he hadn’t even contemplated talking about his truth since before he got engaged to Suzie. And this wasn’t a conversation he could have over the phone. He knew himself. He would find someway to talk about football or the playoffs. And nothing would get accomplished.

Coach pulled his phone out and stared at it for awhile, every possible turn of conversation and every rebuttal he feared filtering through his mind. He breathed deep and pressed dial. 

“Dicky.”

“Yes, Daddy?”

“I know you had a … difficult … conversation with your mother earlier.” Coach swallowed hard and continued. “I don’t want to push, but I think it would be best if you came home.”

“Daddy - I just … I -”

“Not, not  _ all summer _ . Just for a day. You - you can bring Jack with you if he’s available. I know he’s in between rounds. And if he’s able to have a day off -”

“You want me to bring Jack down to Madison for a day?” Dicky asked, wariness coloring his voice.

Coach cursed to himself mentally. He was making a mess out of this. “I need to talk to you about something. Something personal. And it wouldn’t - I can’t do it over the phone.”

“And you think Jack should be there?”

He tried to keep his voice steady, modulated. “He’s - he’s your best friend. And he’s as good as family to you, right?”

“ - Right.”

“I just - Junior, please. You don’t need to come for long or stay.”

“Daddy, is everything okay? You aren’t sick are you?”

Coach ran a hand over his face. He could not be trusted with these conversations. “I’m fine. Your mother is fine. No one is sick. But, I need to talk to you about something. And it’s a conversation I -” Coach paused again. “Can you come?”

“I’ll ask Jack. He has practice tomorrow, but maybe we can arrange to come down on their free day if he can get approval.”

“Thank you, son. I’ll let you get back to your friends.”

* * *

Eric Bittle was a master at avoiding serious conversations. So, when Suzie opened the door two days later to see Junior and Jack on the doorstep, he realized that he hadn’t exactly given her any forewarning and that he had somehow managed to go 48 hours without telling her that he had begged the boys down for a face to face. That would have caused her to ask questions that he was still hoping could be put off indefinitely. Even if indefinitely was looking more like 2 hours from now. If he was lucky. 

“Dicky?” Suzanne stepped back from the door and let the boys in. “I wasn’t expecting - Well, I suppose I can make dinner for four instead of two. Might be a little later than planned, but it shouldn’t be a problem.” She gave Junior a stern look that conveyed her annoyance at not being properly warned and given time to prepare.

Coach stood up and forced himself to enter the fray. “Boys. Glad you could make it.” He kissed his wife on the cheek. “Sorry about this, sweetpea. I called them up and it - slipped my mind.” He cringed internally. He was going to get scolded for that the moment Jack was out of earshot.

“Coach, you had us worried.” Junior stepped inside, closely followed by Jack. “Jack has a flight back tomorrow morning. But, I’ll be staying if you need an extra set of hands.”

He hated that he had caused so much concern. “Boys, I’m sorry. I really am.” He glanced over at Suzie who was even more confused than before. “I thought this could wait. And I would have. But, - well, there’s never really a right time for these things. And I couldn’t -” Coach sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Why don’t we take this into the kitchen and have this discussion over some coffee?”

Coach observed Junior and Jack as they maintained a very careful and calculated distance from each other. This was why he was doing this. His son deserved to feel comfortable in his own skin. 

Once everyone was seated, Coach’s gut churned. He brought everyone together, including Jack. He had no reasonable excuse to ignore what he needed to do.

“Boys, Suzie. I never planned to do this. Ever since the day I got married, I was planning on never bringing this subject up. But, with things being the way they are -” Coach trailed off and glanced at the measured distance between his son and Jack, “things just need to be said.”

He watched Junior and Jack visibly tense up and wanted to kick himself. He forced himself to forge ahead. “Junior, I know it doesn’t seem like it, now. But back when I was young, I used to be a lot like you. I mean, I was never quite so small and lightly built, but a lot of your personality, you got from me. I can see it when you avoid difficult conversations and in just how stubborn you are. About everything. But, I used to be much more open. You’d never guess it, but back in the day I was quite the social butterfly.

“You know I grew up in these parts. When Suzie and I graduated from college, we chose to live in Athens. And I know she had her reasons for getting away from small town life, but I had my own. And it wasn’t the coaching job that was so tempting. It was getting away from the rumors that had plagued me all through middle and high school.” He glanced around the table and realized that he had only confused everyone.

“They were the same that hounded you in Athens.”

Junior’s jaw dropped. “That - that -” he struggled to get the words out.

Coach nodded and then shrugged. “Well, they suggested that I was gay. I’m not. But, they were vicious rumors and they weren’t far off. And those rumors were why I didn’t want to come back. But, after everything you went through in Athens. It just seemed like maybe it would be worth it to come back and hope they didn’t follow you. And by the time I returned as a football coach and having done so well in college and then in Athens, well, no one really brought it up again. It was just, swept under the rug and I was happy to ignore that that part of my life ever happened.”

Suzie lightly placed her hand on his arm. “Richard? When you say ‘not far off’?”

Coach forced a smile that was more of a grimace. “I’m not gay.” He took a deep breath and stared directly into Junior’s face. “I’m bi.”

The air went out of the room. Coach couldn’t quite manage to find his next breath. His entire world hung in the balance. Seconds passed, or was it minutes? 

He felt a large, sturdy hand grip his. Clear blue eyes gazed directly into his. “Thank you for trusting us with this.”

Coach grabbed Jack’s hand like it was a life preserver.

“Richard?” He hadn’t noticed Suzie’s fingers slipping off his arm, but he noticed it’s absence when he turned to face her. She seemed … hurt? Confused?

“I love you, Suze. You’re the only one for me. When we met in college, it was like the heavens opened up and showed me everything I had ever prayed for.”

Suzie’s brow furrowed. “I don’t understand? You say you love me and all these years?”

Coach sighed. “I know. I know. I just - there didn’t seem to be a need? And I worked  _ so hard _ to escape those rumors. I couldn’t - I couldn’t bear it if I had to deal with that again. I could lose my job. Everything that I’ve ever worked for. Sure, they wouldn’t  _ say _ they were firing me for … for who I could  _ potentially _ love. But it’d be there all the same. And Junior was doin’ so well here with his Moomaw and Aunt Judy and his hockey.

“And this has nothing to do with how much I love you. Because that’s never been a question. I love you, and I love Dicky.” Coach shifted his attention back to Junior. “I should have told you this when you were having so many problems in Athens. I should have. And I have no excuse -”

Junior leaned forward and smiled a watery grin, then grabbed Coach’s other hand. “You were scared and you didn’t have the words. You thought if you said something, it’d bring everything back. But, daddy, you came back to the place that was so mean to you so that you could give me a chance. Maybe you didn’t say it outright. And I’m not denying that hearing those words from you would have helped a ton when I was in 7th grade. But, you  _ tried _ . Even though you were so scared.”

Coach chuckled wetly. “I used to be so much better at this. I can even feel the words bubbling up inside of me. But I just - I  _ can’t _ .”

Jack scooted his chair forward and let go. “You can’t because you’ve spent your life learning to be a different person. Someone who was acceptable in football and in small town Georgia. And that person and the person you were at 14 are very different.”

“It doesn’t change that I should have stood up for you, son. It doesn’t matter if the rumors were true or not. I was too afraid for myself. And that was so incredibly selfish. And you suffered for that. If I had at least been honest with you from the start and told you a more honest version of my childhood, maybe you wouldn’t have felt so alone.” Coach sniffled as he subconsciously bit back tears. “You know, I never told you how proud I was when you took up figure skating. I was so  _ scared _ for you when you turned out to not have the right build for football. But, seeing you light up the ice - I wish I had been as brave as you to be myself.”

Junior pressed one hand to his mouth and a couple of stray tears dripped down his cheeks. “Daddy -”

“I’m sorry I never told you. I’m sorry that I was too afraid.”

Suzie’s quiet voice broke in. “How - how long have you known?”

He knew he tightened his grip on Junior’s fingers, but he couldn’t stop himself from holding on to that bit of comfort. “Since high school, for sure."

“But you never -” Suzanne’s voice trailed off when she saw the look on his face.

“In college, once I got away from the small town gossip. He was a first line full back. It was very brief. We only had sex the one time. He blamed it on the heat of the moment. And I - well, I was just a bit heartbroken when he suggested that we forget all about it.”

“You told me - you said you were a virgin when we got married.”

Coach fidgeted. “I’d never had sex with a woman. And I’d never … well, I’d never been on top, before.” 

“Oh.” Suzanne had no idea how to respond, or if she was even supposed to. 

Coach let go of Jack and Dicky and turned to fully face his wife. “I thought about telling you before we got married. But, it was a bad time to be bisexual. It was awful enough to be gay, but being a bi man … we were being blamed on all sides for spreading HIV. No one trusted us. There just wasn’t a community we could be safe in. And with me marrying you, well it just didn’t seem worth the fight. People would assume that it had been a passing fancy or a bit of rebellion. Or they may assume that I’ve been ‘playing it straight’ or that I was never really queer to begin with.”

Suzanne struggled to put a reassuring look on her face. She missed by a mile. “What happened to your - your crush?”

Coach looked at the floor, his eyes drooped and mustache bent down at the corners. “He died about 5 years later.”

Suzie’s eyes widened. “How?”

“How everyone was dying in those days. Never found out who gave it to him or when. When I found out, shortly before we got married, I got tested. I wanted to make sure that I didn’t get it from one night. That was the moment that I really questioned what I was doing. I never had any doubts about how much I loved you or wanting to spend the rest of my life with you. But, those few days, waiting to find out my status … every worst case scenario ran through my mind. I was so relieved when I found out that I hadn’t gotten it. And I was even more thankful that we had never had sex. Just knowing that you were safe, no matter my results, was what kept me going.”

Suzanne was clearly horrified. Coach just wasn’t sure which part it was that was making her look like someone had taken the cat out back and shot it. “Suzie, please say something.”

“Richard - what do you want me to say?”

Coach knew what he wanted to hear, but he wasn’t sure if he even deserved to ask for it. He tried to come up with the words, but all that escape his lips was air. He tried several times to come up with how to word what he needed, but it all sounded so wrong in his head. 

Dicky came to the rescue. “Daddy, I’m so sorry you had to go through that all alone. I’m sorry that you were too scared to ask for the help you needed. But, you have me.” Jack nudged Dicky with his arm, “And you have Jack, of course. Thank you for sharing this with us. I know - I know it took a lot for you to tell us your truth after so many years of hiding from it.”

“Oh, Richard!” Suzie’s eyes were wet. “I love you, you silly man. I don’t know how long it’ll take me to put all these pieces together in my head. And honey, I love you too much to let you go over this. But, I’m gonna have to ask that you never keep another secret from me again. I don’t think I can handle that.”

Coach smiled at his beautiful wife and leaned forward, wrapping her in the tightest hug he could manage. “Thank you. And I promise, no secrets unless it’s about presents.”

Suzie kissed him on the cheek. “Well, I don’t know about you boys, but I’m all tuckered out. What do you say to a small afternoon nap and then I’ll see about ordering in. What time is your flight, Jack?”

“It’s at 10 tonight, ma’am.”

“Alright, well, that’s plenty of time to rest a bit before dinner. And we’ll still have plenty of time to get you on that flight.”

Coach followed Suzie to the master bedroom and studiously ignored Jack following Junior to his. He knows that the conversation isn’t over. He’s never felt so nervous entering his own bedroom.

Suzie situated herself first. She sat on the edge of their bed and fiddled with the hem of her shirt. She was clearly uncomfortable, but Coach was lost. He wanted to assure her that nothing was different, but that was semantics. Her entire perspective of him was different. He almost wanted to call Junior in to help steady his nerves, but this was a conversation that he owed Suzie. No distractions, and nowhere to hide. He stood awkwardly just inside the room, door closed behind him. 

“Richard. I love you,” she said, but kept her eyes focused on her lap. “I just - I don’t understand what this  _ means _ .”

He wanted to go to her, wrap his arms around her and tell her it meant nothing, that it wasn’t important. But it  _ was _ important. He hadn’t realized how much he had been holding himself back until he said those words in the kitchen. He never knew it could still mean so much to him after all these years. 

“It means that I’m bi. It means that I have had crushes on people other than women. It means that I’m tired of not sharing my whole self with my family.”

“Why now? What made you call Dicky and have him bring Jack all the way down here in the middle of playoffs.”

“I -” he didn’t know how to answer. He had just promised no more secrets. But, this wasn’t  _ his _ secret and it wasn’t something he could confirm until Junior said it himself. “I don’t think I can answer that as fully as you are hoping for.” Coach paused and gathered his thoughts. “I don’t want Dicky to feel uncomfortable here. I want him to know that he’s always welcome and loved, no matter what. And I don’t want him to believe that the only place he can find that is up north.”

“You think Dicky’s -” Suzie trailed off, not saying the word.

That - that hurt a bit more that Coach wanted to admit to himself. “I don’t know. And I’m not speculating. But, after everything he went through as a teenager, after seeing how different life can be, he deserves to know. He’s a grown man, Suzie. And hiding all this from him, knowing that maybe he might not have felt so alone, true or not - I failed him. And I failed myself.” 

“Richard -” Suzie wriggled in place. “Richard you haven’t failed anyone. I mean, as long as you still want this family, this life we’ve built together, you haven’t failed. I admit, it’s going to take some time for me to wrap my head around everything you’ve said. But it’s just because there’s so much about you that I didn’t know. And I thought I knew every last inch of you. It hurts to know that you felt you couldn’t be yourself around me. And maybe you were right back then. Maybe I wouldn’t have understood. Lord knows it wasn’t a good time or place to be anything slightly different from what we were told we should be.” She finally looked up at him and stared directly into his eyes. “But, it’s 2016. People grow. I’d like to think I’m not the same naive college co-ed that thought she was going to move to Athens and become a 5 diamond chef so famous that everyone would forget what’s-her-face in Savannah was ever born.”

Coach gave her a small smile, tipping the ends of his mustache up just enough to be noticeable. 

“Now, you just come over here and lay down. We’re supposed to be napping. I’m sure you’re tuckered out from everything.”

Coach shuffled his way over to his side of the bed and toed off his shoes before sliding under the covers.

“Just give me a sec while I get this stupid bra off.” 

He chuckled as Suzie wrangled her bra off while never removing her shirt. It was one of those things that he could never quite figure out how she did, but loved it all the same when she sighed and let it drop to the floor.

She slid under the covers and gave him a peck to the cheek. “Roll over, honey. I think you need the cuddles.”

Coach smiled and kissed her forehead before turning over. He felt her press along his back and her arms wrapped around his chest. “Thank you, sweetpea.”

“I promised you forever, Richard. And I meant those vows. I love you with every breath in my body. Now, you rest for a bit. I’m not going anywhere.”


End file.
